


How do you go on after you lose everything: Take a breath, then another. That’s it

by lydiamxrtin



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [1]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Losing a friend, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydiamxrtin/pseuds/lydiamxrtin
Summary: Bad Things Happen Bingo Prompt ● "Crying into the chest” + TarlosThe 126 lose a member of their family on a call and TK struggles to deal with it.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119380
Comments: 12
Kudos: 119
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	How do you go on after you lose everything: Take a breath, then another. That’s it

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first bad things happen bingo prompt, so I hope you all enjoy it!✨
> 
> As you can guess I took my inspiration from the sneak peek we got in the trailer of TK crying in Carlos's chest. While I'm not 100% convinced the person who dies in this will be who dies in the show It's what I decided to go with for this fic. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy and feel free to visit my blog @tkstrrand if you want to request a fic
> 
> -aj 💗

TK had had some crazy days in Austin; hurricanes, bulls in cars, and solar flares, but he could never have predicted what was happening right now. 

“Lava?” Paul said, his brow raised as the crew jumped off the truck, the air thick and warm. “You serious,” He asked, looking over at Owen like the rest of the crew.

The crew passed the police barricades, the air growing warmer by the second. TK could hear the ground cracking, the sounds of screaming growing closer. Smoke now filled the air, as the group looked at the scene before them, bright, glowing lava seeping from the ground, everything around the whole in the middle of the square on fire. 

“Guess you were being serious,” Mateo said, looking around at the 126. 

“Alright everyone stay alert, stay in pairs,” Owen called, holding his mask in his hand, “Tim you come with me and Judd, Nacy with Marjan and TK and Tommy with Mateo and Paul,” The paramedics slung fireproof jackets over their shoulders, Owen and Judd helping to fit their breathing equipment.

“Bet you never saw this in New York,” Marjan said, knocking her shoulder into TK’s, pulling her mask over her face, “Sure you can handle the heat Strand,” She said, and TK could still see the teasing smile on her face through the smoke and mask.

“Oh you know it,” TK smiled back, “You guys sure  _ you _ can handle the heat?” He said nodding towards where Tim and Nancy were standing.

“We’ve been doing this a lot longer than you kid,” Tim joked, shifting as he got used to the heavyweight of the fire protective jacket. 

“You telling me you’ve faced lava before?” TK asked, his brow raised.

“You have no idea what we’ve faced before,” Tim smiled, looking over at Nancy who was laughing as she slipped her own oxygen mask on. The small group laughed, and for a moment TK forgot that lava was spewing a few feet away. 

If the worried civilians around the police tape could hear their jokes, TK was sure they would be perplexed. Here they were about to enter a scene covered in lava and they were joking. It was something that came with years of experience, you had to shut off a part of your brain that saw the danger and everything that would go wrong; otherwise, you’d never step into a burning house or in this case; the pit of lava. 

TK went to slip his mask on when a voice called from behind.

“Hey!” TK turned around to see Carlos coming towards him, his hand held up to cover his face.

“You shouldn’t be this close to the scene,” TK said, squinting his eyes through the growing smoke. Carlos had no protective gear on, and he could see from the way his boyfriend covered his face with his forearm the heat was intense. Carlos got closer and TK could now see the frown on his face, this time not from the heat, “Please be careful,” Carlos said, his voice serious and low.

TK gave a small smile, leaning forward to place a quick kiss on Carlos’s lips, “When am I not?!” Giving Carlos a wink as he slipped his mask on. 

TK walked over to the place where his crew had gathered, waiting to step into the scene. Marjan nodded her head at TK, Nancy standing next to her. 

Marjan held her hand up, TK giving her a high five, “Lets roll Strand,” She called as the three of them carefully entered the scene, the other groups going in different directions. 

It didn’t take long for them to find someone, lying on the floor, their leg trapped underneath a piece of rock. The group dashed over, being careful to avoid the still growing flames. Nancy got to work while TK and Marjan assisted the woman, talking her through what was being done.

A roar echoed as a rock flew through the air, crashing into the ground. The earth shook and TK had to reach out to stop himself falling, Marjan doing the same, holding Nancy still as she worked. 

TK gave a small smile, shaking his head;  _ how did his life get this crazy?  _ TK had been back to work for around 5 months, and it was only in the last month that TK had started to enjoy the job again. The itching fear and anxiety that had embedded itself into his body along with that bullet had just started to subside. TK no longer flinched when he heard a car backfire, or pause before breaking down a door in case someone with a gun was on the other side. 

TK felt the sweat drip down his face, stinging his eyes. “We’ve got to move her,” Nancy said. TK and Marjan moved closer, “I need you two to carefully lift that rock while I move her,” She continued, pointing to the rock that was trapping the woman. The pair nodded moving to the rock, their hands poised on either side. “Ready?” Nancy said. Marjan and TK locked eyes through the smoke, nodding as they carefully lifted the rock, the woman crying out as Nancy pulled her free. There was no time to get a stretcher and bring it back, the smoke around them growing thicker each second. Nancy explained to the woman that Marjan and TK were going to carry her out, she nodded as tears spilt down her cheek making marks in the black ash on her face.

Marjan and TK carried the woman through the smoke, the air becoming clearer as they reached the ambulance, placing the woman on a stretcher that was waiting for her.

The ground shook again as another roaring noise filled the air. TK watched as a large rook flew through the air, the smoke too thick to be able to tell where it landed.

Marjan patted TK on the chest to indicate they were ready to head back out when the radio on their chest crackled to life.

“Man down! I repeat man down!” Judd’s voice cut through the chaos of the scene. TK waited to hear his fathers voice, but he didn’t speak. TK felt a cold shiver run through him, his whole body going icy despite the lava a few feet away. “No one enters the scene, it’s too dangerous, we’re bringing him out,” As to prove his point another rock flew through the air, TK didn’t move as it collided with the ground, shaking the earth, It was as if his fear had frozen him in place. “Ambulance on standby I repeat, male hit in the chest with one of the rocks, I don’t think he’s breathing,” Judd continued. Even though TK was strapped to oxygen he’s breathing stopped, caught in his chest and throat. He wanted to reach up and call for his dad over the radio, but his hands were locked by his side. Everything felt slow and blurry as people rushed around him, through the fog TK could see shapes moving towards him; bodies. 

Nancy raced past him as Judd and- TK felt the air return to his lungs, his feet unsticking from the ground as he saw his dad next to Judd, covered in dirt and ash but alive. TK let out a relieved breath, it only lasted a few seconds as he noticed who they were carrying; Tim. Everything seemed to speed up as Judd and Owen placed the young paramedic on a stretcher, Tommy leaning over to work on him. He knew people were saying things but he couldn’t hear anything besides the loud ringing in his mind. 

Tommy was performing CPR.

Tim wasn’t breathing.

TK felt Marjan grab his hand as they watched in terror as Tim fought for his life.

The paramedic was loaded into the ambulance as it pulled out of the lot. 

The 126 just watched for a moment, no one speaking or moving “Alright let’s get back to work,” Owen said. TK could hear how his voice broke, everyone wanting to go be with their friend but there was still work to do. That was the harsh reality of this job, you can’t just leave, the emergency doesn’t stop. Everyone gave a nod, TK noticing the tears that had gathered in Nancy’s eyes as they headed back towards the scene, Tim occupying a piece of all of their minds and hearts.

The truck pulled into the firehouse, the crew slowly jumping off, everyone sore and tired. The lava had taken over 2 hours to manage, from pulling people out, to stopping the continuous growing fire surrounding the scene. TK shrugged off his gear onto the table, pausing for a second to chat his breath before heading up to the bathroom to shower off the shoot and ash. 

They had heard nothing from the hospital, no one had spoken a word unless necessary after Tim had left, everyone waiting for their radio to tell them everything was alright. TK had hoped the warm water would wash away the fear and guilt from his body but it did little to ease his emotions. 

_ He had felt relieved.  _ It was just for a second, the smallest moment as he realised his dad was okay but it was relief and the pit in TK’s stomach hadn’t left since he’d felt that momentary relief.

TK eventually pulled himself out of the warm shower, the air of the firehouse feeling colder than he remembered as he pulled on a green shirt and jeans. TK walked out of the washroom to head back down to the lot when he heard a voice. 

TK froze as he realised it wasn’t a voice, but a cry. A desperate, broken cry. TK slowly walked to where the cry was coming from.

Eventually, TK came to the door of the large lounge. He could see through the glass that the crew was gathered inside. Paul had his arms wrapped around Marjan and Mateo. Judd was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands. 

TK realised it was Nancy who was crying, another paramedic with his arms wrapped around her from behind. 

TK took an unsteady step back, he told himself he wasn’t witnessing what he  _ knew _ he was. Maybe they were tears of relief, maybe this was nothing to do with today's events. TK finally met his father’s eyes, who had noticed him while he had been watching everyone else.

There was no doubt in his mind now what TK was witnessing; grief. 

TK didn’t move from the threshold of the door, made no effort to push it open. If he stayed on this side maybe it wouldn’t be true. On this side, everything was the same and life wasn’t about to change.

TK felt his lip quiver as he staggered back from the door, turning on his heels as he walked down the corridor, his mind working on autopilot. TK grabbed the handle of the staircase and started to head down. He only made it halfway before his legs seemed to finally stop working, TK stumbling before falling onto one of the steps, his arms still holding onto the railing. 

TK just stared ahead, his mind so wrapped in his thoughts he didn’t hear the footsteps till they were right behind him. The footsteps stopped and TK heard the person sit down, he didn’t have to see them to know who it was; Carlos. TK could recognise the man's cologne anywhere.

“You okay?” Carlos quietly asked, perched on the step behind him, his legs either side of TK.

Carlos' voice managed to cut through the chaos that was TK’s mind, he let his hand fall from the railing above, “He’s dead instead he?” TK asked his voice monotone, no hint of emotion to be found. TK turned around to see Carlos looking down at him, the rims of his eyes red from tears, “Tim?” TK choked the emotions finding his way back to his voice.

Carlos sighed, his lip trembling and that all the confirmation that TK needed, “The hospital did everything they could but, there wasn’t anything to be done,” Carlos reached out, placing his hand on TK’s cheek, “I’m so sorry,” He soothed.

TK just stared straight ahead, the image blurring and shifting as tears filled his eyes. “When I first realised it wasn’t my dad I was…” TK cut himself off, shaking his head of the thought and comforting hand of Carlos, he didn’t deserve it, “...Relieved and ugh” TK shook his head harder, wrapping his arms around his stomach to try and lessen the nausea that was building.

Carlos moved his hand back to TK’s shoulder, his thumb smoothing this skin. “You can’t blame yourself for that TK, he’s your dad, of course, you wanted him to be okay, that doesn’t mean you wanted the others to hurt,” The logical side of TK’s brain knew that was true, but right now that side wasn’t working. 

“We’d just become a family,” TK laminated, narrowing his eyes, “I spent months keeping everyone at arm's length and then as soon as I realised I wanted to be here…” He trailed off again like his mind wasn’t capable of finishing a thought, all of them too painful. When TK had gotten to Austin, he had just meant for this to be a job, like it was back in New York. Yet, here TK had found people he never expected to, people that understood him, supported him; a family. “Now one of us is gone,” TK whispered to himself. In the six years, TK had been a firefighter, he had never lost a crewmate. There’d been close calls, people who had to leave the force but no one had ever...died. Tim might not have been a firefighter, but he was part of their family, part of the 126 the same way Carlos and Michelle were; they shared a home. “I was just joking with him a few hours ago,” TK instantly cringed at his light and cheerful attitude he had worn when he arrived at the scene, it seemed so wrong now looking back. “What are we supposed to do?” He asked, not to Carlos in particular, more to the world, but he sure neither of them would have an answer. 

“Right now...” Carlos sighed, moving his hand to TK’s back, “Right now we do what we need to do, and get through the day.” 

_ Get through the day.  _ It seemed so simple, but as TK sat on the stairs the end of the day seemed almost unreachable. “I don’t know about tomorrow,” Carlos whispered. 

It was the break in the man's voice, the tiredness in his eyes that lifted the last bit of fog from TK’s mind.

“I’m sorry,” TK finally said, his voice a fraction more stable this time, “I know you’ve worked with him for a long time,” TK said, his hand reaching out to take Carlos, “He’s your friend to,”

Carlos had been in Austin years before TK had even arrived, as had Tim. The two had known each other for years, worked together on cases that TK probably knew nothing about.

Carlos just nodded, the lump in his throat bobbing as he blinked quicker, “He was everyone’s friend,” he said.

The use of the word _was_ and not _is_ caused a tear to roll down TK’s cheek, a moment later the same happening for Carlos; they were speaking about Tim in the past tense. 

“This isn’t meant to happen to them, we’re the ones that are meant to run into to danger,” When TK became a firefighter, he knew danger was a part of everyday life, he’d gotten use to it, but the paramedics, they were meant to save lives and be safe, not run into the fire with them. TK looked away down at the empty lot. All the trucks were there, even the ambulance, everything looked the same but nothing was. “My dads in remission, I’m back to work, everything was just going right and now-” The constant worry that something was about to go wrong had finally quieted down, the fear that he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop had stopped. “I just don’t understand,” TK asked, again not to anyone in particular.

“Neither do I Ty,” Carlos said, his arms coming to wrap around TK’s shoulder, his head resting in the crook of his neck. “But we’ve all got each other, and we’re going to get through this,” He said. TK closed his eyes, he hadn’t even thought about the crew, how they were feeling. “You wanna go see your dad?” Carlos whispered.

“No,” TK quickly said. He knew it was selfish, he knew he should go see his crew; his family, but that made it too real. TK wasn’t sure he could face that right now, his mind was still too confused and overwhelmed, “I just wanna sit here for a little longer,” He warily said. He knew he would have to leave eventually, but right now he just wanted to sit here.

TK felt Carlos pull back, “Want me to leave you alone for a bit?” He asked.

“No,” TK didn’t even have to think before he answered, “I don’t want you to go,” TK whimpered, suppressing those sobs that were growing in his chest, aching to get out.

It was a sentence that was drenched in double meaning. TK didn’t want Carlos to leave right now, the man brought TK comfort in ways that he couldn’t describe. But he was also asking something else, begging Carlos to never put TK in this position, to never go to work and not come back. 

TK felt Carlos’s hand run through his hair, a light kiss being planted on the top of his head, “I’m not going anywhere,” He assured.

TK turned around, Carlos was looking down at him, his eyes glassy but still full of such love and support. TK leaned forward, Carlos coming to wrap his arms around him, his lips pressed into TK’s hair.

TK rested his head against Carlos's chest, listening to the steady heartbeat below. “This wasn’t meant to happen,” TK muttered again. There were hundreds of things that weren’t meant to happen; his dad wasn’t meant to get cancer, TK wasn’t meant to be an addict, he wasn’t meant to get shot. Life didn’t work like that though, bad things happened that weren’t meant to, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

“I know, I know,” Carlos murmured into TK’s hair. 

TK squeezed his eyes shut, a tear leaking out of the side and running down his face. 

TK knew the stairs were solid, unmoving, yet he felt unbalanced like everything had shifted and was still changing. He held onto Carlos' chest like it was a life raft like it was the only thing that kept him grounded. There were no words left to say, nothing to make the pain in his chest, and everyone else's less. 

TK tried to take a breath in but it got caught in his chest, the sobs that had been struggling to escape finally erupting through. Carlos' arms wrapped around him tighter, as the man whispered words of comfort into his hair but TK couldn’t hear over his own cries. 

The men just sat on the stairs, holding onto each other as a new world shifted around them, one that wasn’t the same as before and never would be.

“We’re going to be alright,” TK barely heard Carlos’s words over his cries, but they settled into his chest and mind.

_ We’re going to be alright  _ it seemed hard to imagine right now, as TK cried into Carlos’s chest, the rest of his crew mourning in another room. TK’s cries still caught in his throat as he clung to Carlos, he took in a shaky breath, his sobs growing further and further apart till it was just hushed cries.

TK pulled himself back from Carlos’s chest, blinking a few times to clear his eyes, reaching up to wipe the tears from the corner of Carlos’s eyes. 

TK stood from the steps, his breath still shaky. Carlos stood as well, taking TK’s hand as the pair just stood there, “You ready?” Carlos asked, nodding towards the lounge above them.

TK bit his bottom lip, his eyes still blinking quickly to clear the tears. 

“Yeah,” TK nodded, his thumb smoothing Carlos’s hand.

‘I think we’re going to be just okay’ TK had once told his dad, and at the time he didn’t believe it, yet things had turned out okay. “We’re going to be okay,” TK said as he started to head up the stairs with Carlos, taking in a few steadying breaths.

Things wouldn’t be the same.

And they wouldn’t be easy.

But they would be okay. The 126 had one another, they were still a family and nothing would change that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed, feel free to visit my blog @tkstrrand if you want to request a fic
> 
> -aj ✨


End file.
